Still seeking approval from others?
Do you find yourself seeking the approval you’ve been wanting since you were a child? Use this life-changing tool.
For many of my clients – and for me personally – an unfulfilled desire for approval is one of the biggest blocks to moving forward and connecting to inner peace. We’re still waiting around for someone to give us the approval of a lifetime, the acknowledgement for a job well done, for an apology. But what if that time never comes?
There are some people in your life that will never ever give you what you need emotionally. Due to their own limitations, pain, subconscious and conscious beliefs, they just don’t have the capacity to give to you what you think you need. That is – love, affection, acknowledgement, approval, protection, security, to feel deeply heard.
These people come in many guises: parents, grandparents, siblings, spouses, mentors, teachers, other family members, colleagues, bosses, children, friends…
I’ve been in search of this answer for some time now and it’s a biggie. Wait for it…..
Acceptance is a state of being that plays no part in resistance. The resistance that someone, something or yourself isn’t behaving the way you want them to and causing all sorts of internal anxieties, stress and chaos. It’s about accepting all parts of yourself, others and situations, letting go of the ‘shoulds and musts’ and being at peace with imperfection. Please note that it doesn’t mean condoning poor behaviour at all.
The concept of ‘acceptance’ has been a little in vogue of late, however I don’t advise it lightly. It’s not something you just decide upon and it happens.
There’s a catch. You may be able to consciously say to yourself ‘I accept this person as they are’ or ‘I accept myself as I am’. But it doesn’t always ring true for the subconscious mind. That part of the brain controls most of your current behaviour and life choices – and it remembers EVERYTHING – all the experiences you’ve had that have led to your personal beliefs about the world, whether they’re rational or not. Your subconscious mind may not believe that you accept this person for who they are, or even yourself.
Think back to a situation in your childhood that you interpreted as feeling ignored or unacknowledged. You could probably feel the emotion if you allow yourself to, as if it were happening right now. Therefore it’s usually not helpful if you just consciously ‘accept’ the situation. You need to convince the subconscious mind that it’s safe to accept the situation and diffuse the emotion while you’re at it.
Which is why I recommend everyone to try this tool…
Emotional Freedom Technique (aka EFT or Tapping)
This tool is one of the most amazing things I’ve come across in my ten years as a therapist. It’s easy, achievable, free, and most importantly – it works. EFT/tapping is a modality that combines ancient Chinese acupressure and modern psychology through tapping on meridian points whilst visualising a memory or emotion you’d like to diffuse or heal.
Once you learn how to use this tool, you can apply it to any memory that has a highly charged emotion associated to it such as fear, anxiety or grief. It helps you acknowledge yourself and the memory, diffuse the emotion around the memory, come to a place of acceptance of the memory through changing the core belief, and eventually create a new belief that actually serves you.
So if you’ve been seeking approval and it’s preventing you from creating the life you want, EFT is a profound tool I’ve used personally to help me accept those in my life that will never be able to give me the approval I was seeking. Instead, I’ve shifted the core belief into one that is more about loving and approving of myself and not needing it from others. Pretty powerful huh!?
To read more about EFT and tapping click here – https://www.thetappingsolution.com
For free Youtube videos where you can practice EFT on a variety of issues click here – https://www.youtube.com/eftwizard
Want to include EFT/tapping as part of your healing plan? I can help you with this during your sessions and give you guidance on how to use EFT on your own. Read more about my naturopathic and mentoring sessions here to get started!